I like the saying of my close friend that goes “Жизнь не удалась, но попытку засчитали”. It is hard for me to translate, but it is something along the lines “I’ve wasted [one more] try to live by spoiling it from the very beginning”.
On the other hand, they say “Жизнь дерьмо, но мы с лопатой”, meaning “Life is full of shit, but we have a big shovel”. A slight shift of the perspective, but with big consequences. In the former sentence, there is no hope any more. In the latter, there is.
So, may be, I’m doing not so bad. May be, some time later I will think about these days and decide I was in fact happy. After all, there is no war and me and the people I love are all alive and relatively healthy. Although, there is another saying “There is no healthy people, but just those, who can postpone the visit to the doctor”.
Oh well. Let’s drink some tea and see what happens next.